In a display of bi-partisanship so stunning that it has literally taken the breath away from pollsters and pundits across the entire political spectrum, Democrats and Republicans have joined hands and agreed to make Cinco de Mayo and The Day of the Dead national holidays. They will be Federal and bank holidays with schools and post offices being shut down for both occasions.
The move, wholeheartedly supported by President Obama and Governor Romney, has some cynics suggesting that it might have something to do with the Hispanic vote. The candidates vehemently deny the accusation labeling it “beyond absurd.”
At a Rose Garden press conference, Press Secretary Jay Carney was clearly offended by suggestions that the move was politically motivated. “This is for all of the American people. Now they can wear those Halloween costumes TWICE a year!” While on the stump in Chippewa Falls Governor Romney enthused, “My father fought in the Mexican revolution. Hell, I’m a Mexican!” “I mean, you know, in spirit. At least I wasn’t born in Hawaii.”
In a statement issued from just outside the gates of hell, Karl Rove indicated he was thrilled that “those stinking Commie, Democrats could finally agree with real Americans on at least one thing.” He went on, “I think people from Latin countries are fine Americans and a vote for Mitt Romney is a sure path to citizenship.”
Teaparty spokesman Leonard Charles stated that, “There’s nothing wrong with a good holiday, as long as we don’t have to start paying those of Hispanic descent minimum wage. And if they even think about joining a union, they’re outa here!”
In a man on the street interview conducted in the city of Oaxaca, Randita Boltonez declared, “I’m planning on spending Cinco de Mayo, the Day of the Dead and Election Day in the United States this year, possibly in Chippewa Falls. I’ll be happy to vote, as many times as Karl Rove is willing to pay me to, even though I just love my new assault rifle that Eric Holder gave me.”