In a statement carried in the ethers, emanating from the highest spire of Trump Tower, pompous billionaire Donald Trump pledged, “I will find the rest of him.”
Referring to the announcement of the discovery of the so-called “God Particle,” Trump went on, “If anyone can find the Deity, my boys can.” The Donald will be utilizing the same team of crack investigators that he used to prove that President Obama’s birth certificate was printed on paper made in Kenya with ink manufactured in Iran. “Now that I’ve categorically proven that Barak Hussein Obama is not an American, I can go on to fry bigger fish! And that fish is GOD.”
Operating under the assumption that where there is one particle of something, there must be a whole lot more somewhere, Mr. Trump is confidant, “maybe he’s just been out of town.” Trump spiritual advisor, Jerry Falwell, feels Trump is the man for the job. “Anyone who builds a Byzantine, gold skyscraper in midtown Manhattan in the 20th century is my first choice to locate a misplaced Supreme Being. God is obviously leaving a trail and this particle is the first breadcrumb.”
While the scientific community totally resists any theological implications associated with the Higgs boson particle, religious leaders are miffed that it took the largest machine ever created to find the smallest thing known to man... to prove something they assumed they knew all along. Which, in fact, has nothing at all to do with physics or the now famous particle.
News anchors around the globe are scrambling to figure out how to explain the earthshaking discovery in layman’s terms. With the exception of Hollywood show business reporters who are finding it useful in describing the size of the brains of Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton and a few Kardashians.
Advocates of string theory are trying to assess how the discovery affects them. But since only six people really understand string theory, no one cares.