Following President Obama’s lackluster performance in the first of the three Presidential debates, White House Spokesman Jay Carney has announced that the chair Clint Eastwood railed at in his speech at the Republican convention will be filling in for the President for the second debate. “All things considered, we feel that the chair scored more points against Eastwood than the President did with Governor Romney.”
Currently, teams of front men from the DNC are scouring furniture rental warehouses in Tampa Bay looking for the exact chair that Eastwood used in his performance. Carney continued, “That particular chair had a great deal of stage presence, poise and, frankly, good looks. We think that with talent like that we can turn this thing around.”
The “chair” was essentially a “surrogate” for an “imaginary” President Obama making it twice removed from the president himself. “Truthfully we’d be happier with a full six degrees of separation but if this is the best we can do, we gotta roll with it,” Carney explained.
Eastwood supposedly won the debate with the chair and Governor Romney emerging victorious at last Wednesday’s event, those advising the president are beginning to get a little edgy. “We’re thinking of bringing in Schwarzenegger. Maybe some his charm and winning attitude will rub off,” referring to the actor/politician’s appearance on “60 MINUTES” touting his autobiography. He admitted that the book was causing ex-wife Maria Shriver and his children enormous pain but “what the hell, lets put it out there anyway.”
The President’s only response when confronted with the debacle-ness of the situation was to indicate that Wednesday had been the worst wedding anniversary he and Michelle had celebrated in twenty years of marriage… “and I didn’t like the way my wife was looking at Mitt with those hungry eyes.”