Driving Miss Fido

The new trend among pet lovers of installing special doggie restraints in their vehicles to protect Fido in case of a crash has been slowed by independent laboratory tests that have shown the devices to be useless. In some cases the crash test dummy dogs were (hypothetically) injured by the restraints themselves.

Leonard Charles, President of the National Institute of BS Pet Products (NIBSPP) commented, “The animals being restrained in the back seat and not crawling all over the driver is where the real value comes in.”

This is a workable theory if the pet owner is someone who would be less distracted by the dog screaming in the back because it’s been strapped into something resembling a parachute harness rather than having the animal snuggle up next to him/her in the front.

Further studies on this subject, made by the Republican National Committee, have concluded that the absolute safest place for Rover is the roof of the vehicle. RNC Chairman Reince Priebus noted. “A simple ski rack or, if you want pooch to go first class, a Thule baggage carrier is really all you need to insure your pet’s safety and comfort.”

If the pet owner is using a ski rack, special doggie ski boots can be purchased that will fit most safety bindings to guarantee a pleasurable travel experience for your pet and quick release following most crashes.

For those opting for the baggage carrier, drilling ventilation holes is recommended.
The RNC’s chief researcher couldn’t be reached for comment due to campaign obligations.