BELLY TO BELLY

In 1953 an obscure calypso singer named Lord Intruder performed a song called "Jumbie Jamboree" at a concert on the small Caribbean island of Tobago. By the end of the 50's the song "Zombie Jamboree" had been recorded by hugely popular entertainers such as The Kingston Trio and Harry Belafonte.

Luther Dirth, President of the Zombie Non-Disparagement League (ZNDL), released a statement explaining, "The 50's were a more innocent time, people honestly didn't understand how prejudiced and hurtful lyrics like, "back to back, belly to belly, don't give a damn I done dead already' could be."

Since the 50's the Zombie population here and abroad has exploded, permeating our collective consciousness and popular culture. The press release continued, "No Zombie has ever received a single royalty from the flood of Zombie movies, television shows, books and comics that are capitalizing on some very proud yet downtrodden people."

A number of "rights groups" are taking up the Zombie cause. Activist Randi Bing laments, "Sure they move slow, they can't even outrun each other. Right now we're researching the possibility of a Zombie Olympics. And we have to change the way Zombies are seen in our culture. The same way midgets and dwarfs prefer to be called "little people" Zombies too understand that there's a lot in a name. "The Walking Dead" will no longer be an acceptable term with which to refer to Zombies. Henceforth "Rotting" or "Decaying" people will be the acceptable and polite way to refer to this segment of society."

The AFL-CIO is currently holding meetings regarding the potential of unionizing Zombies. "Right now Zombies in movies and TV shows are played by people in Zombie makeup. We find that the worst form of racism. Zombies should be played by Zombies.

Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle are looking at the situation and there's talk of a "path to citizenship." President Obama weighed in, "Of course there'll be reasonable conditions, they'll have to stop ripping people's hearts out and eating them."