THE STORY THAT NEVER WAS

Reports of a United States Ambassador, prostitutes, possible underage girls and a State Department cover-up are shaking Washington.

A statement was released by an unknown source and posted in mens' rooms throughout the nation's capital.

"No no no no no…the State Department is not now running, nor has it ever, run hookers…that's the Secret Service you're thinking of. However, the U.S. Department of State strenuously objects to people talking about it as if it were a bad thing.

The missive appears to have been written on official State Department stationery.

Insiders suggest that the unusual method of getting the message out to the public and the media was to give Hilary Clinton some plausible deniability for the counterpunch, the effectiveness of which has been questioned.

Senate Republicans claim Mrs. Clinton wouldn't hesitate for one second to bust into a men's room if that was what it took to get the job done. Still other sources insist that sort of thing is exactly what it takes to make a good Commander in Chief.

While the Obama administration tries to shrug off this latest potential scandal as "just another prostitute-government employee thing," staffers are struggling to find someone to leak some new classified information as a distraction, before the "prostitute-government employee thing" gains traction.

It's been suggested that publishing our nuclear launch codes in the National Inquirer might do the trick. Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel has responded, "well…if anyone knows them, I'll just step out of the room for a minute."

While specifics were not immediately available, the Tattler has intercepted a great deal of email chatter going on between U.S. Ambassadors' wives involving top-notch divorce lawyers.

The State Department cover-up story led many Tuesday morning newscasts and had disappeared by Wednesday.