Don't Mess With Our Hot Dogs!

Thousands of kids are expected to mass outside a sprawling Cineplex in suburban Chicago next week to protest attacks on their favorite food – the hot dog.

“We like hot dogs,’ said group spokeskid Fenway Park, who is seven years old.

“We like them pretty much three times a day, usually with fries, and we don’t want some vegetable-eating grownups messing with our faves.”

A national medical organization has called for a redesign of the hot dog to protect against accidents while ingesting the encased meat product, which was invented in Germany (frankfurter) or in Austria (wiener) or in Coney Island N.Y. in 1870 or at the World’s Fair in Chicago in 1893.

“Don’t care,” said Fenway’s little sister, Tiffany, clutching a juice box. “If there aren’t any hot dogs when we go to the movies or the mall or the beach, well, let’s just say Mom and Dad won’t get a moment’s peace.”

Parents are taking the threats to their peace and quiet seriously. There’s little doubt hot dogs are wildly popular with the younger set.

“Sophisticated market research tells us that we sell like a gazillion hot dogs every week,” said a spokeswoman for a sausage organization in New York City with a really long name.

“We don’t ask for much,” said Fenway Park. “A few video games, a big screen TV, a cool phone when we get a little older, maybe a puppy. But we have our limits. Don’t mess with the hot dogs.”