Big Dogs On The Loose

The big dogs are off the porch after the victory by Sadie the Scottish terrier in the recent Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York City.

Larger breeds say they are mad enough to eat Christmas tree ornaments and are demanding their own national event in the wake of yet another triumph by a pooch no bigger than a half gallon of ice cream.

“Every year it’s the same thing,” said group spokesdog Roofus, a 125-pound bloodhound.

“We win our groups then some old lady in a blue dress gives the big prize to some itsy-bitsy Pomeranian or awful little Shih Tzu. Quite frankly, we big dogs have had it.”

Sources say resentment has been building for dog years among your Great Danes, your Bernese Mountain Dogs, your Rhodesian Ridgebacks, your Irish wolfhounds and other breeds the size of small ponies.

“We were supposed to get all lathered up when that beagle won best in show a couple of years ago,” said Hooker, a Siberian Husky.

“I mean, he was a nice dog and all but he could still hide behind my water bowl. It’s sizeism, pure and simple.”

“We’re not asking for much,” said Fridge, a Mastiff with a head the size of a bar stool. “Just give us our own show with no yappy little dogs who look like sponges. In our show, the dogs have to be big enough to take up the whole back seat in the minivan.”