Onomatopoeia Under Attack!

This week the CEO of a big ‘ol company that owns a whole bunch of newspapers and radio stations in the Great Midwest released a list of words and phrases he says he doesn’t want to hear on his flagship radio station any more.

The banned list, revealed on a day when there was actual news being committed, includes “campaign trail,” “sources say,” “vehicle,” “aftermath,” “reportedly,” “incarcerated” and “shots rang out.”

Reaction from the comic strip industry was immediate. Elmer F. Muttanjeff, Chief Whiteout Officer (CWO) for the Institute of Cartoon Correctness (ICC), said the times are changing.

“We’ve given this little or no thought but we’re taking action,” said Muttanjeff, who wears a bowler hat, has big floppy ears and owns a talking aardvark.

“In the future, artists of the funny papers will be required to avoid the use of the terms “Argghh!” “Snap!” “Pow!” (also “Kapow!” and “Kerpow!”) “Zoom!” “Rrring!” (as in the telephone) and “Horsefeathers!”

Muttanjeff said the industry is taking a hard look at “Whoomp!” “Whoosh!” “Swoosh!” “Sluurrp!” “Zap!” as well as “Smack!” and “Smooch!” (as in kiss).

“And the days of the “Zzzzz” to indicate that the dopey husband is asleep are over, my friend,” he said.

Other changes may be on the way. Muttanjeff says a National ‘Toon Task Force is examining the role of dinosaurs running lemonade stands, housewives opening the door for husbands returning home from work and even coyotes plunging off cliffs.

“Splat!”