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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. - Steven Wright Life's a joke and then it kills you. - Koen Vanderneede Hope is a thing with feathers. - Emily Dickinson Only the sane ever question their sanity. - Unknown For my birthday, I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. - Steven Wright if things appear to be getting better, you aren't paying attention. - Perfesser Cosmo Fishhawk Americans are obsessed with washing... especially their brains. - Cosmo Fishhawk Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. - Hank Aaron Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. - J. Paul Getty If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. - Peter De Vries There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. - Somerset Maugham
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Thursday, Mar. 18th, 2010 |
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New "Cute" Category For Oscar
Next year’s Academy Awards will feature a popular new category, one sure to delight animal lovers and Internet surfers of all persuasions.
The newest Oscar will be awarded for the Best Precious & Adorable Animal Video.
“These are the films of the people,” said Jean-Claude Sinema, curator of the Cinematique du Baby Raccoons in Culver City, CA. “I mean, how many times can they remake “The Bourne Identity?”
Connoisseurs of the videos point to the enduring popularity of the one where the baby ducks are playing with the coyote, or the one where the baby deer is sleeping on the hood of the car, or the one where the hedgehog is coming in through the doggy door in the kitchen.
“Classics,” said amateur filmmaker Cecil Bedamille.
“”The Hurt Locker” is a fine film, but what about “Sneezing Panda?” What about “Otters Holding Hands?” “What about “Ocelot Adopts Baby Hamster” or “Drunk Moose in Driveway?’
Although the Academy Awards are nearly a year away, early favorites for the inaugural Oscar include “Skateboarding Bunny,” “Grizzly Bear Drinks Coffee” and “Mountain Lion Nurses German Shepherd Puppy.”
The U.S. Bureau of Counting Important Stuff estimates that viewing of You Tube videos devoted to animal cuteness accounts for 29 percent of annual productivity loss in the workplace.
“It’s right behind texting and, this time of year, filling out brackets for the NCAA basketball tournament,” said federal accountant Tommy “Fingers” Fingers.
“I’m no movie critic but I like the one where the duck chases the big longhorn steer. Cracks me up.”
Rating: 4.2/5 (9 votes cast) |
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Onomatopoeia Under Attack!
Mar. 13th, 2010
This week the CEO of a big ‘ol company that owns a whole bunch of newspapers and radio stations in the Great Midwest released a list of words and phrases he says he doesn’t want to hear on his flagship radio station any more.
The banned list, revealed on a day when there was actual news being committed, includes “campaign trail,” “sources say,” “vehicle,” “aftermath,” “reportedly,” “incarcerated” and “shots rang out.” read more » |
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Big Dogs On The Loose
Mar. 11th, 2010
The big dogs are off the porch after the victory by Sadie the Scottish terrier in the recent Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York City.
Larger breeds say they are mad enough to eat Christmas tree ornaments and are demanding their own national event in the wake of yet another triumph by a pooch no bigger than a half gallon of ice cream.
“Every year it’s the same thing,” said group spokesdog Roofus, a 125-pound bloodhound.
“We win our groups then some old lady in a blue dress gives the big prize to some itsy-bitsy Pomeranian or awful little Shih Tzu. Quite frankly, we big dogs have had it.” read more » |
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Most Pizza Deals Don't Add Up
Mar. 8th, 2010
Pizza industry officials acknowledge that the ferocious competition among pizza chains for shares of the $30 billion market has led to a growing revenue crisis.
“Turns out we’ve been giving the darn things away,” said Leonard Foccacio, a spokesman for the Guido Pizza Institute in Boonton, New Jersey.
“Frankly we got a little carried away with the two-for-one and three-for-one and the extra toppings and the free hot wings and the cinnamon rolls and the two-liter freebie of soda pop.” read more » |
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Tennis Players Seek Relocation
Mar. 7th, 2010
Professional tennis players from the small countries of the world, those ones you can’t even pronounce, all agree on one thing: the location of professional tennis tournaments needs to change.
Tournaments are currently held in a select group of European countries and the United States, and players from Tiwihita, Hebekistan, and Nuhara are joining together to form the Players for the Relocation of Tennis Tournaments (PRTT).
“I’m tired of hanging out in the same cities every year - Paris, New York, London - it’s time we go for more exotic locations,” said Nuharan tennis pro Ludwig Leddleton. read more » |
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