By Perfesser Cosmo Fishhawk, Published: Tuesday, Jan. 24th, 2012
NASA has announced that the Chinese Space Agency (CSA) has alerted the world scientific community that yet another large piece of space debris will fall to earth sometime in the next several weeks, or months…. or some other time.
The object, a school bus approximately the size of a school bus, failed to escape earth's orbit and go wherever it was going. It is a subject of intense speculation as to exactly why the Chinese would want to put a school bus in space, but they aren’t talking.
The CSA is brushing off early calculations that suggest an object that large, traveling at twenty thousand miles per hour and hitting the earth would create a crater the size of Wyoming. Zhng Tao Huh of the Chinese information agency stated, “The chances of this thing hitting Wyoming are infinitesimal.”
Where, exactly, the object will come to earth cannot be calculated until approximately two hours before it arrives, but scientists say if everyone on earth is packed and ready to go, “those in the target area should have plenty of time to get out of Dodge.” This statement caused a lot of folks in Dodge to start packing and getting out… right quick.
When asked if there were any school children aboard the bus, Huh responded, “Fortunately the rocket carrying the bus was launched on a school holiday and all the students were in factories making knock-offs of American goods.”
In a prepared statement, White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, explained that President Obama did not anticipate that the situation would create any strain in Sino-U.S. relations. He quoted the President. “Even if it does happen to hit Wyoming, the bus in question is an American made “Bluebird” school bus that has safely carried children in this country to school and home again for generations. As Americans, we’re proud that our Chinese friends have recognized the superior quality of this American made product.
In the meantime property values in Wyoming and Dodge are plummeting.
This just in –
Our correspondent in Tinseltown has confirmed that ugly mobs in the UK are up in arms over gringo, Meryl Streep, being chosen to play the role of Margaret Thatcher. read more»
After New Hampshire Jan. 14th, 2012
Since the New Hampshire Primary, the two most attractive Republicans in the presidential race have been flushed away. The square jawed cowpoke who is dead, but doesn’t have the common sense to lie down and close his eyes, and the hot co-ed who looks like she took way too much acid in her freshman year. While some may miss looking at them, few will miss listening to them. This is a burden their spouses alone will bear from now on.
So now the GOP’s inventory of choices has come down to: read more»
The Stihl Chainsaw Dust Bowl? Jan. 7th, 2012
The 2011 college bowl season started about a week before Christmas and is ending approximately a week after New Years. In 1960 there were 8 bowl games, in 1996 there were 18, this year there will be 34 or 35, depending on your source.
The reason for this small discrepancy is something only the football gods and ESPN really know. One thing is for sure, no one is volunteering to sit down and watch every game and count them up. You used to watch all the games, now there are people in white coats with butterfly nets waiting to catch someone merely attempting to do so. read more»
S.A.D. Jan. 3rd, 2012
With the holidays behind us, there’s always something of a letdown. Sports fans still have the Superbowl to look forward to, and misguided romantics have Valentines Day. If you actually make it through to Easter, it’s probably safe to look forward to spring. But right now everyone, EVERYONE, can start enjoying Seasonal Affective Disorder! If you live north of the Mason-Dixon Line you know what I’m talking about.
If you reside in Florida only 1.4 percent of you will be afflicted with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But if you live in New Hampshire, 9.7 percent of you can look forward to being plunged into depression by winter’s gloom. read more»
Cosmo
Roz
Shoe
Loon
Skyler
Irv
Wiz
The Senator
ZooDoo
Mort
Biz
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