Lemonade Girls Wreck Economy

A cranky journalist in Chicago is mad at three little suburban girls for giving away lemonade at their lemonade stand, the little Commies.

Over the July 4 weekend, this woman, who is “an expert on personal finance” and writes a column about it for an afternoon newspaper in the Windy City, was riding around in the back seat of her brother’s car in a swell part of the town when she saw the offending tykes.

The woman – let’s call her “Terry” – took an overdose of outrage. When her brother was offered “free lemonade,” our intrepid journalist, in the finest traditions of Woodward and Bernstein, rolled down her window and lit into the misguided, generous, pint-sized Socialists.

She wrote: “No,” I exclaimed from the back seat. “That’s not the spirit of giving. “You can only really give when you give something you own. They’re giving away their parents’ things…it’s not theirs to give.”

Stupid parents.

The expert went on to say that in giving away holiday lemonade, the offending pre-teens had ignored the rules of economics. Their behavior, roared the headline, summed up “what’s wrong with the U.S.”

Hard to argue with logic, once you ignore the BP oil gusher and the meltdown of the financial services industry. Those boys and girls didn’t give anything away, except the ranch.

And here at the Tattler, we’re a little confused because we read this column on the Internet and we didn’t pay anything for it.

There’s no free lemonade, Terry. Or is there?