Plaquemines Pete & the President

Brown-pelican activist Plaquemines Pete and his clan heard all about the splashdown of the President of the United States and his family in the Gulf of Mexico last week.

The Obama family dropped in on Panama City, Fla., for lunch and a photo op. The normally irate Pete was fine with the visit: “We’re all for humans as long as they don’t want to punch holes in the floor.”

“We’d have headed over that way for all the excitement,” Pete told the Tattler in an exclusive interview, “but we had our own reunion near the pier in Orange Beach, Alabama. Good fishing, if you know what I mean.”

Pete said his feathered friends reported the Obama family took a swim, went to a restaurant and ate chicken tenders, whatever they are.

“That’s cool,” he squawked.

The pelican underground is telling Pete that the First Family is actually headed to Martha’s Vineyard, wherever that is, for the real summer vacation.

Pete isn’t so happy with other visitors.

“On the pier I hear the humans say they’re having trouble finding any oil sloshing around from the gusher,” he said. “I been up there, pal. Anyone who couldn’t find oil in the Gulf couldn’t find a fish, either.”

Pete, who is still considering a run for governor of Louisiana, or maybe Mississippi, isn’t too excited about reports that the men in the golf shirts with the boats are finishing a “relief well.”

“Didn’t they drill the last one?” he asked, and flew away.