Where for art Thou Heidi?

Winter is often disappointing for birds that don’t fly south, but The Tattler usually endures. However, this week has been particularly trying.

When there was a knock on the door the other day we were pretty sure that, since Heidi Klum and Seal were now quitsville, it would be Heidi on the other side looking for some comforting. Opening the door with breathless anticipation, this reporter confronted two birds holding Bibles. This was clearly on the low end of our expectation scale.

Beak hanging open, wings outstretched, mentally weighing… theological discussion – Heidi…. theological discussion – Heidi. Surely a no brainer, also a no hoper, strangers with Bibles it was.

Now, The Tattler is all in favor of belief. In fact, this reporter believes he’ll go for a pop after work and thinks it’s okay if there are Mayans out there performing human sacrifices… as long as they don’t come to his door to tell him about it. But there we were, no Heidi, not even Mayans.

“What have you done with Heidi?” I demanded, the first words out of my beak. They looked confused. “Heidi Klum, I’m sure she’s on her way over!” Their beaks were now hanging open, “We just have this literature we thought you might want to take a look at.” “Pictures of Heidi, perchance?” I speculated. “Well, no” they rejoined, “is this Heidi a dear friend?” I confessed, “I’ve never met the gal, but I feel change is in the wind.”

Things were going nowhere fast, “I see you have Bibles,” said I. “What do you mean by that?” they accused. “Merely an observation, would you like to come in and discuss theology while we wait for Heidi? Here, drink some of this.” They seemed uneasy and began to trot back to their vehicle.

“Keep an eye out, Heidi could be broken down on the side of the road,” I shouted after them as they sped out of my driveway, executing a nifty little fishtail/correction maneuver and merged into the flow of traffic.

So, here I sit. I fear I may not see my new friends again, and Heidi isn’t returning my calls. I understand Seal is ticked and there’s a lot of winter yet to go.