Fetching Rupert

As of late, media mogul and notorious cross-dresser Rupert Murdoch has been spending quite a bit of his extremely valuable time in England in front of a Board of Judicial Inquiry. He’s been getting his butt chewed by the very types of people who for many years went out of their way to kiss that particular area of his personal geography.

Currently, powerful Brit politicians are deserting Murdoch like fleas abandoning a dog on fire and it’s nice to know that elected officials are the same the world over.

Murdoch’s dilemma stems from some dubious activities by people working for his newspapers. It seems that they hacked into phones and emails of everyone from celebrities to victims of terrible crimes. Murdoch claims to have had no knowledge of the vile behavior, “Not me,” he exclaimed as he batted eyes canopied by false lashes and fetching thalo blue eye shadow. “Everyone knows that I got where I am by not having the slightest idea of what my subordinates are up to.”

Hence, Murdoch has been going the “theya culpa” route. “There was a cover-up and I am the victim! I didn’t do nutten, but I take responsibility anyway,” exclaimed the 81 year old zillionaire, sporting a tailored navy pantsuit, a pair of stunning red patent leather pumps and matching bag.

As Mr. Murdoch compulsively fingered a chic set of screw back, diamond and pearl chandelier earrings, he explained that his employees were “scum,” and that if the Board of Enquiry had a bus he’d be happy to throw them under it. “I’m a man in the mold of Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst,” he sputtered. Hearst and Pulitzer are generally given credit for inventing yellow journalism.

Wife Wendi Deng, clad in black latex from neck to toe, with a small laptop and stack of ninja stars in front of her, sat quietly beside her husband, fondling a cat-o-nine-tails and glaring at the members of the board.