On February 12, news agencies around the globe announced that North Korea had conducted its third nuclear test since 2006. President Obama and other leaders characterized the act as, “extremely provocative.”
The world community had hoped that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, son of deceased strongman Kim Jong Il, would have proved to be more progressive and less belligerent than previous regimes. The young Kim’s babysitter, Sum Dum Bim, tried to brush off international outrage, “Boys have always enjoyed blowing things up. Un isn’t doing anything different than what lads all over the world have been doing for ages.”
While the scientific community is expressing grave concern, a statement has been released suggesting that the country with the most to fear from the risky tests in North Korea is… North Korea. “It’s like a blind kid with a cherry bomb,” stated Wayne Bing, spokesman for the international watchdog group, IWG.
Back in the States, National Rifle Association spokesman Wayne LaPierre decreed that North Korea was well within its Second Amendment rights to “blow up whatever it damn well pleases.” He went on, “They can have clips holding as many warheads as they want and absolutely will not need to be subjected to background checks.” LaPierre also pledged that the NRA would rally every member of Congress it owns (a whole lot of them) to fight for North Korea’s rights. “We’re sending a delegation from Washington to Pyongyang with cake and ice cream to help Un celebrate.”
It’s rumored that LaPierre is courting the young despot in hopes that he’ll agree to appear in a series of NRA ads promoting gun violence. “Every cause needs a “face,” and we feel a wholesome boy like Un is just the ticket to encourage American youth to buy guns, shoot stuff, and blow things up.”
LaPierre concluded, “The more we Americans can become enlightened like North Korea, the better!”