Well Known Side Effects Galore!

Pharmaceutical industry insiders are reportedly developing a pill that will offer consumers one-stop shopping for the wide range of medical side effects discussed on prime-time television for many popular prescription drugs.

“We think people should get familiar with some of the ailments they hear so much about on TV,” said Dr. Milton Cookay, Senior Diagnostician at the Malpractice Institute of Technology (MIT) in Seventy-Nine Palms, Arizona adding, "One pill lets you experience practically everything!".

Dr. Cookay points out that millions of Americans are exposed night after night to an astounding range of side effects for treatment of thin eyelashes, depression, random pain, gray hair, sleep deprivation and other assorted malaises.

Some of those frequently discussed conditions include:
Dry eye, dry mouth, dry skin, dry scalp, hair and eyelash fallout, halitosis, sore feet, insomnia, gout, fatigue, chills, back pain, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, hives, sudden ugly mood swings, drowsiness, constipation, blurred vision, swelling of face and lips, agitation, hallucinations, flatulence, runny nose, sore gums, restless leg syndrome, jaundice, sinus pain, increased hunger and/or thirst, rapid weight gain.

“We’re not done,” said Dr. Cookay.

“There’s dehydration, boils, shin splints, impetigo, dandruff, heartburn, incontinence, memory loss, athlete’s foot, skin rash, bursitis, swollen ankles, age spots, frostbite, wheezing, tennis elbow, bunions, sore throat, ingrown toenails, the heartbreak of psoriasis, lethargy, waxy ears, patchy loss of skin color, hypothermia, male pattern baldness, stunted growth, hay fever, and sterility.

“Did I mention skin rash?”