With virtual cash in hand, the robber raced into the street to escape in his virtual Maserati but quickly realized his getaway car was completely out of virtual gas.

Undaunted, he google-mapped the nearest subway entrance and disappeared.

With virtually no clues to go on, authorities were left scratching their collective heads.

Monterey said that among the early suggestions were Condo Cheese, Co-Op Cheese and Townhouse Cheese, reflecting the historic housing theme while updating it.

“Not the way to cut the cheese,” said renowned cheese maker Stilton de Bleau. “They need to work on the marketing, to go big. Let’s face it, this stuff is little on the bland side.”

Not everyone is on board with the campaign.

“First of all: ick,” said cable TV celebrity chef Iris Fromages. “There isn’t enough sea salt or hot peppers or blueberries on the planet to make those curds interesting. Maybe they should call it Kurdish cheese. I wouldn’t eat it on death row.”

“They should leave well enough alone,” said Tommy Tapioca, a spokesman for Minimally Invasive Cheeses (MIC), a cheese activist group.

“A nice scoop of cottage cheese, a room-temperature canned peach and a lettuce leaf going brown - now that’s good eatin.’”

Nuggies said the program will be called “Check ’em and Forget ’em.”

Passengers will check their bags, pay the checked-bag fee and the lost-bag fee at the same time and then never worry about their bags again. Or, for that matter, ever see their bags again.

“What could be more convenient for everyone?” asked Nuggies. “Nothing! That’s what. And believe me, as soon as we figure out how to deliver ‘nothing’ — and charge for it — that’s exactly what you’ll get. Nothing!”

In a related development, airlines are also developing plans for charging passengers for losing their lunch.

“No more free barf bags,” said Nuggies. “You want to throw up, you can throw up on your own ... your own lap, that is.”

Several historic sources, who are dead but still wish to remain anonymous, ardently claim that not all the hemp grown at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, was used to make rope. Much of it was burned so White House staffers could stand in the smoke. Just for laughs. Or, as Jefferson said, “We hold these ... hee-hee-hee ... we hold these ... tee-hee! We hold these roaches to be ... ouch! Burned my fingers.”

A number of amendments to the constitution were actually written while standing around White House hemp bonfires. In fact, the original draft of the Bill of Rights had 14 amendments, but four were eliminated when everyone straightened out and realized they were gibberish.

“Congress shall make no law affected zibbledorp,” was the original text of the Eleventh Amendment.

The Fourteenth Amendment said, “Wow! Did thee ever really look at thy hand?”

Ben Franklin, always a head of his time, is given credit for inventing the bong using an empty wine barrel and a reed pulled from the Potomac River.

This may explain why Franklin was flying a kite in a thunderstorm. Although, again according to reliable sources, he swore, “I never inhaled.”

Or maybe he said “exhaled.”

Sergeant Harvey Bark, duty officer attached to the West Wing Canine Cleanup Corps, better known as WWCCC, speculated that Bo was actually going for the double bacon cheeseburger the president was holding. If the president had scarfed down that burger like a normal American, this would never have happened. Instead, he was waving it around while trying to make some presidential point. Bo missed the point, but not the hand.

Caught off-guard by this unprecedented event, the Department of Homeland Security raised the national Terror Alert Level to the newly created “Scorching Indigo.”

One of the president's most ardent detractors, former Republican presidential candidate/pop-cultist Mitt Romney, was quick to exclaim, “This is a national disgrace! Ronald Reagan would never have allowed his own dog to bite him. I’m not even sure Jimmy Carter would have let that happen, and he was attacked by an amphibious rabbit!"

Neither Bo or his press secretary, Philroy Lynx were available for comment.